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When they left we may have been left in pain and their turn-around fills our aching voids and makes us believe that we were not the ones at fault for their departure.
The reason people, usually narcissists, hoover is so that they can top themselves up with a vital supply of energy.Unfortunately, someone who carries out hoovering has no conscience, so when they place their cards on their table, we really need to be aware of what dastardly weapon is being held in their other hand. The person who is targeted at this stage absolutely has to put firm boundaries in place to prevent an emotionally dangerous dance from starting up when the hypnotic music begins to play.It is vital to sift back through everything that has happened up until this point.We need to immediately stop someone from having a hold over us by exerting their charm, power and control.Although we may feel at the time it is harmless or that we are handling it well and we know what we are doing, this behaviour is not acceptable and it can seriously harm our self-worth.As the “loved up” chemicals flush through our brains we become intoxicated, everything appears hazy and we are not able to process it all so we are unable to think straight and see through their dramatic displays.
If we pay attention to our intuition and trust our instinct, we will know instantly whether their cunning plot is to benefit and enhance their self-worth and esteem or if it genuinely is to make amends due to a spectacular transformation in character.
However, if it is happening time and again and the same circumstances are repeating with nothing changing, we have to take a long hard look at ourselves.
Why are we not taking care of ourselves first and foremost?
Moral code does not come into question when hooverers are desperately seeking a top up.
They will shamelessly try to gather up the fragmented pieces right where they left off with no regard as to the emotional or psychological damage that might have been caused to, or will cause, anyone who may be involved.
They determinedly want to lure their victim back in and weave them into their maliciously spun web so that their prey is cocooned within the illusion that a reconciliation will take place.